Achievment unlocked — coconut H2O

I’ve been hearing everyone discuss the many health benefits of coconut water for ages, but I haven’t yet tried it. Why? Because on The Parenting Experiment, I heard John Salley claim that it was suuuper easy to just pop a straw in there and drink down that healthy goodness.

Not being big on processed and pasteurized “health” ingredients, and being kind of intrigued by the idea of a straw poking out of my coconut, I decided this was indeed the route I’d take. But the right kind of coconut (“young” and I think “Thai”) can be hard to come by in my day to day life, so I wound up waiting until my recent Uwajimaya run.

And the sucker I brought home was less easy to pry open than Mr. Salley had indicated. (What do you mean, you can’t believe everything you hear or read on the Internet?) So Grant and I had to do some real, um, exploration. After much random hacking (including trying to pierce it with a screwdriver — yep, my idea) we devised a plan. Or rather, I devised it and made him execute it, since I’m incredibly accident-prone and it was a blunt knife in unknown territory. (New Year’s resolution — learn to sharpen knives properly; sharpen knives properly.)

First, I had him make an X-shaped chop along the coney part, as shown above. Next, as shown here, I had him slice off that now-loosened coney part to reveal a … weird brownish rough part. Which Grant proceeded to hack at, until discovering the… disgusting slimy membraney part.  (Pretty sure that’s the scientific name for it, anyway.) MMMM!

THEN I was finally able to … oh Gawd it’s gross even remembering it… poke my way through the disgusting placenta membrane thing, think quick, grab a glass, and upturn the coconut so the liquid could drain into a glass. Plunk in a few ice cubes and a straw, and serve.

The verdict? It was unimpressive. Not like I gained the powers of a radioactive coconut or anything. Only vaguely coconutty; only slightly reminiscent of the fridge-stink the (shrink-wrapped!) unsheathed fruit had caused; not really all that healthy tasting. But who knows. If I wind up feeling fantastically fantastic tomorrow, then maybe I’ll lean on this the same way I occasionally lean on wheatgrass — very, very occasionally, when I’m feeling very, very ill.

But no, I don’t think I’ll be rushing out to try açai berries anytime soon!